Domo. :D

family has the greatest ability to stir up emotions in a person.

regardless whether you like it anot.

even if you are self-deluding,

this is a valid statement.

even if your family has treated you badly,

unconsciously you still care.

you always behave badly with the people you love the most,

and sometimes treat strangers better than you treat them.

i still dont know how to face you.

cause it still hurts.

i dunno if i should allow you to be nice,

even if you dont mean it,

or just go away,

disappear.

and not talk to you.

when i got ur msg on my birthday.

i smiled. for a second.

then i felt the pain again.

how long it took us to realise what

we had was irreplaceable,

and prob will never be again.

ah whatever.

i shall just mug.

ignore.

19012010

today is the day im TWO.

saw so many 2 candles today and yest.

im amused.

LOL.

THANKS EVERYBODY WHO WISHED ME,

BOUGHT PRESENTS,

BOUGHT CAKE,

ANNOUNCED MY BDAE IN LECT,

GAVE CARD!

XDDDDDD

ARIGATO GOZAIMASU! (:

had quite a few shocks these 2 days.

my heart weak ah.

keep scaring me.

HAHAHAHA. but thanks a lot of the nice things

everyone has been planning for me.

the presents, the well wishes,

treating me VERY expensive food. XD

first wenyi and her box of presents.

SO SWEET DEAR WENYI!!

i like the eeyore. a lot. XD

and then the sushi tei treat.

which i kept reciting as expensive food,

and YESH it is expensive.

But still, THANKSSS! XD

and the green carebear. (:

(i saw a car with a whole row of carebears

today. so cool sia. got mine, jiejie's and kura's.)

and then the whole bunch of fb and sms's that i received.

im really tempted to type out everyone's names,

all the nice ppl that wished me.

but the list, is far too long.T.T

i lazy. psps.

marion skyping me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

even though she was busy.

wan lin wishing me happy birthday even though

she wasnt in a fantastic mood.

The surprise at lecture,

with a "happy birthday cherlia"

on the lecture slide.

i was stunned. O.O

but yeh. a really nice surprise,

cause i was dozing off before that so

i obviously jerked awake...LOL.

the domokun in sports attire,

that almost ended up like metoo...

but yeh. i have one more addition

to the domo family! XD

xiuqi, merilyn and huiwen's

toy camera! XDDDDDDDD

HOMG SO COOL. XD

and xiuqi the delivery auntie.

even though she is busy with project,

probably tearing her hair out,

but came to deliver the present.(:

elina surprising me with a slice of cake.

so unexpected.

so sweet.

and the fish and co. "shock"

i received at dinner.

the msg coming at 10pm,

2 hours before 12am,

even though i thought he will forget.

j's call even though she was busy and

needed to do stuff.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING AGAIN.

so touched by everything. XD

and i truly had a happy happy day today.

happiest of 2010 by far. (:

the past 3 weeks wasnt fantastic,

and today was really great! XD

felt so :3 today. XDDDDD

i like this song. XD
yes emo song but its nice.
and its YOUNHA'S song. XD

and it feels like what i felt before.

and i like marshmellows. (:

Broke Up Today - Younha

Younha - 오늘 헤어졌어요 [Broke Up Today]

After covering my face with a white muffler
I waited for you as I blinked my blood shot eyes
Those words I wanted to say
But not quite sure what they are
An awkward nod with a tightening throat

As we take a step back, the empty space between us is filled with tears.
I angrily exclaimed, “Go.”
And it seems like that I’ve already fled far far away...

Broke up today, we’ve broken up today
If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me
I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no
How much longer do I have to cry until you’ll love me properly ?

Your heartbeats echo in my eardrum
The lips locked away, gets clearer
Since when and where did we drift apart
When you’ve loved me till yesterday

Broke up today, we’ve broken up today
If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me
I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no
How much longer do I have to cry until you’ll love me properly ?

I was so happy, I was so happy it pained more
I hate myself for getting tricked by love

I should have stayed and told you I was hurt
Our memories of love that should be holding you back
You live tomorrow and I today
No one, nothing can make me smile

Broke up today, we’ve broken up today
If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me
I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no
How much longer do I have to cry until you’ll love me properly ?

우리 헤어졌어요

having a busy lifestyle like mine sometimes make

me miss slacking around spending hours just sitting

there and doing NOTHING.

maybe its just me.

my character doesnt allow me to 闲着没事做。

like wanlin like that. when im not doing anything

i will unconsciously feel too free and start finding

things to do. literally 没事找事做。LOL.

but i miss the times when i get to just sit somewhere

ulu and slack, not particularly doing anything,

not particularly thinking about anything,

not worrying that i may have tuition or whatsoever

later,

and just feeling the wind blow in my face.

such a shiok sensation.

especially after feeling bao bao from ice cream! XD

if i was able to show it my face probably will look like this -> :3

enjoyed talking with j, and just randoming talking about

lotsa lotsa things, sitting in the middle of the rooftop

seeing all the tiny (ok maybe not so tiny)

people below going about their own business.

and being contented that for once im not one of the "tiny"

people that i see downstairs rushing around going about

my business.

And most importantly,

enjoying the sky,

(yesh the pretty pretty clouds. pity i didnt bring

my camera)

and feeling the wind. XD

AND the ice cream. XD

nice. i almost died choking on the chilli choc.

LOL. but its an interesting sensation.

sweet and chocolatey and spicy.

and i liked the KOOKIE MONSTER. XD

been a long time since i actually felt myself

fully relax and chill out.

especially after these 2-3 chaotic weeks

i finally feel rested.

after a good chill out session,

much more than my 1 month or

so of holiday.

so it dawned on me yesterday, on the bus home.

That relationships between people are so intricate,

so amazing.

family, friends, strangers, all such a amazing process.

the way strangers smile at each other and small chat

even if they havent met before, and are probably never

going to meet again,

like the many nice aunties who small chat with me at

random places.

the way families usually stick together even though

they probably will hate each other to death if they werent family.

the way friends help and tolerate each other,

(whichever happens more often)

and doing all they can for their friends,

who are a bunch of people that evolved from strangers,

and have no blood relation whatsoever,

but are almost as close as family.

and that people who enjoy being in the company of the other,

whether is it family, friends, even couples,

dont need to purposely find an activity to do together to bond

properly.

its not that its not good to do things together,

just that hanging out,

feeling the wind in the middle of a random rooftop

somewhere,

talking about everything under the sun,

is as good bonding as spending money

to go hang out at maybe a chalet or a theme park.

its not the things that you do with a particular person,

is how you spend time with the person.

you can do practically nothing and still enjoy the experience.

im sure a lot of people, me included,

havent really comprehended this idea yet.

but its an interesting concept. XD

im glad i risked so many things in the process of knowing j.

made me learn alot, grow alot.

the entire idea may seem totally absurd to an outsider.

but as long as im comfortable with it, so be it. XD

accepting her contact,

talking to her on fb,

uncovering somewhat the truth even though i didnt really want to.

at first.

then meeting for ice cream,

going to random rooftops even though i have an acute

phobia of heights.

are risks that i took to uncover this friendship,

moving out of my comfort zone,

but gaining a friend i would never have gotten

if i allowed my fear to get hold of me whenever it did.

maybe this is really growing up,

making initially uncomfortable things feel comfortable

and eventually acceptable.

today is a long time since i felt gripped by fear.

i have been gripped by fear for a lot of issues,

especially the past year,

when a lot of problems really came out to haunt me.

but never has it been so mind consuming.

i got the msg when i was in vivo about my granddad,

and suddenly i was so overwhelmed by the need to

know what happened to my grandad and what was

the situation like at the hospital.

and yet i couldnt get an answer to a single thing

as the doctor is still checking or the reply came

slightly later.

if the reply took long enough i might have slammed

my phone in anger, maybe.

so much that i felt i couldnt focus on anything around me.

even trying to act normal was a struggle.

THANKS PPL FOR TRYING TO HELP TODAY.

i appreciate the effort.

yeh. if i seemed distracted the last part of the day,

i apologize.

thank god i could concentrate for the maths lecture,

but other than that,

my mind was a blank.haha.

couldnt focus properly on what ppl were asking me,

so i had kinda a slower response today.

didnt even have the tolerance to go for jap

and then check out grandad tmr.

even at the hosp i was blanking out.

goodness.

maybe its cause nowadays my grandad's health

hasnt been fantastic, and frequent trips to the doctor

made me worried,

but i couldnt understand why i was so anxious.

this is not the first time my family member is

in a hospital.

the last time i was anxious, sure.

but i wasnt panicking.

this time,

i could feel my inner self severely panicking from vivo,

all the way to sch,

all the way from sch to the hosp.

maybe i wasnt the calm and composed person i once

knew in secondary school,

that could keep things objective.

Not to say that i was cold and unfeeling,

but not to this extend of feeling so handicappped,

losing control of myself.

In 2009, I have..

stayed single - for 3 months
got your first kiss
kissed someone new
made out for the first time
made out in a car
kissed in the snow
kissed in the rain
fell in love
fell in love with a fool
had your heart broken
broke someone else’s heart
had a stalker
had a good relationship with someone
got head
questioned your sexual orientation
came out of the closet
gotten pregnant
gotten someone else pregnant
had an abortion
gotten married
had a divorce
had a gay marriage
kissed someone of the same sex
dated someone you’ll never forget
done something you’ve regretted
lost your true love forever (if the person is your true love, you wouldn’t have lost the person. makes sense, no?)
lost faith in love
kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL
got a promotion
got a pay raise
changed jobs
lost your job
quit your job
dated a co-worker
dated your boss
dated your boss’ daughter/son
got fired from your job
got straight A’s
met one teacher you really like
met one teacher you really hated
found the subject you love
failed a class
cut class
skipped school
got into a fight with a classmate
did something you were proud of
discovered a new talent
gave the teachers a reason to teach
proved yourself an idiot
embarrassed yourself in front of the class
fell in love with a teacher
got a part in the school play
made a varsity team
were involved in something you’ll never forget

OTHERS
painted a picture
wrote a poem
ran a mile
listened to music you couldn’t stand
double-dipped
skinny-dipped
went to a sleepover
went to camp
threw a surprise party
laughed till you cried

cried till you laughed

flirted shamelessly
visited a foreign country
visited a foreign state
cooked a disastrous meal
lost something important to you
got a gift you adore
realized something new about yourself
went on a diet
tried to gain weight
dyed your hair
came close to losing your life
someone close to you died
reunited with a friend
made an accomplishment that shocked everyone
realized your truest friends
told a secret that would ruin your life if revealed
threw a wild party
went to a wild party
drank alcohol
drank alcohol underage
did drugs
got drunk
got arrested
read a great book
saw a great movie
saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
saw your favorite band/artist live
saw someone famous in person
did something you want to tell everyone

kopped from jeanette's blog. realised i needed to update my 2009 year and what i did,

what i learnt, experienced, cried for, laughed for.

sch starts tmr. OH GOD.

Suddenly i missed him again yesterday.

Couldnt understand why. I was rushing proposal, and normally when im

rushing stuff im in such a state of stress nothing much emotional can come in.

And he managed to barge in like that... =.=

even though i was busy and desperately didnt need that at all.

i just suddenly recalled a lot of things that happened. From jc1 till the first part

of this year. How things have changed, how is it going to be like if things

happened differently. If i was more tolerant. If i was more understanding.

Will the ending be still the same?

It might, since our characters are really quite different,

expectations different, what we want in life, what we pursue.

Somehow this time round it hurt much more than the first time.

maybe its cause you touched my heart, maybe its cause i put

in too much of myself. I have never felt that it was so difficult to

forget a person, forget the past. It used to be so easy to lock it

all away but now i cant seem to do that anymore.

i lock it away and threw away the key.

but somehow the door will reopen on its own.

i should get over this and shut up about it already.

i know i know. im trying to walk out of the r/s now.

i wish it was that easy, that i can just pop a pill and choose

to forget a certain part of my memory, that happens to

contain you.

i miss you.

did you take care of yourself in camp?

did you read my xmas card?

have you found someone else to take care of you?

but i guess, all these questions i cant ask,

or bother about. and it doesnt matter anyway.

Lee Hyori - Scolded Lyrics

myuhn doh neun kkohk hae yah hae yo SHIRTS neun neul goo geem uhp shee kuh peen hah roo hahn jahn dahm bae johm joo ree goh maep goh jjahn eum sheek eun pi hae yo ee jeh geu dae doh hohn jah nahm neun yuhn seu beul hae yah jyo...

nah uhp dah goh sool muhk jee mahl goh nee moh meun nee gah johm duh chaeng gee rahn mahl yah bah boh chuh ruhm ddoh chahm jee mahl goh moo seun mahl ee rah doh hah rahn mahl yah nah uhp dah goh ah peu jee mahl goh bah beun kkohk chaeng gyuh muhk goh dah nee rahn mahl yah buhn guh rohp goh gwee chah nah doh boo tahk hae yo...

ApGu jung jah joo gah jee mahl ah yo yeh ppeun yuh jah mah nah bool ahn hae yo sang nyang hahn yuh jah neun juhl bahn ee dah nae soong ee eh yo hahn noon pahl jee mahl ah yo dah boh goh ee ssuh yo...

nah uhp dah goh sool muhk jee mahl goh nee moh meun nee gah johm duh chaeng gee rahn mahl yah bah boh chuh ruhm ddoh chahm jee mahl goh moo seun mahl ee rah doh hah rahn mahl yah nah uhp dah goh ah peu jee mahl goh bah beun kkohk chaeng gyuh muhk goh dah nee rahn mahl yah buhn guh rohp goh gwee chah nah doh boo tahk hae yo...

(sarang mah buh bae sarang jahl hahl soo eet jyo mee duh yo) nahm gyuh jeel geu dae gah guhk jung ee jyo...

jee geum kkah jee jahn soh ree mahn hah goh geu dae uhl gool moht boh goh ddahn soh ree mahn hae yo nae gah moht nah sseul ddae mahn gee uhk hae jwuh yo geu ree goh nahl eet neun yuhn seu beul hae yah hae yo dah shee hahn buhn mahl hae yo ah peu jee mahl goh bah beun kkohk chaeng gyuh muhk goh dah nee rahn mahl yah buhn guh rohp goh gwee chah nah doh boo tahk hae yo...

jahn soh ree mahn hah goh gah neh yo mee ahn hae yo

You have to shave Keep your shirts wrinkle free, One cup of coffee per day Try to stop smoking and avoid salty and spicy foods You have to, now, practice being alone too.

Don't start drinking because I'm no longer there I mean, Look after yourself Don't be a fool and keep everything in Say what you want to say Don't be sick because I'm no longer there Don't skip any meals Even if this is all annoying and you can't be bothered, please..

Don't go to Apgujong too much There are too many pretty girls there, it makes me worry/anxious Affectionate and kind women are usually two faced Don't cheat on anyone, I'm watching everything

Don't start drinking because I'm no longer there I mean, Look after yourself Don't be a fool and keep everything in Say what you want to say Don't be sick because I'm no longer there Don't skip any meals Even if this is all annoying and you can't be bothered, please.. I am worried about leaving you all alone..

I have only been nagging you till now I can't look at your face and i've been saying other things Just remember when I was ugly and bad and practice forgetting me

I will say it once more Don't be sick and don't skip any meals Even if this is all annoying and you can't be bothered, please.. I have only been nagging you before I leave Sorry...

sometimes friends who dont know me

well will ask me why am i always

unable to appear for outings.

because im always tied down by family?

needing to be there to be mediator,

to pei my mum when everyone else

at home is busy,

to take care of my grandparents when

all the adults are too busy to...

thats why i always cannot go out often.

i know it irritates my mum so i try not

to go out often if i can help it.

and times when i pangsei my friends

and totally cannot get out of the house

also happens far often than not.

do i feel irritated?

if i dont i must be god.

but i cant not help.

like when my friends are in need i know

i have to help. same and simple logic.

the frustration i feel when i arrange to

go out and in the end have to throw

feathers at people is not nice.

even worse when they start accusing

me of being irresponsible cause they

dont understand.

but its my job.

i cant run away.

even if i dont like it sometimes.

i dont have a choice.

who likes to sacrifice going out

to settle family problems?

to be hounded when your trying

to study for your major exams.

everyone has their own problems.

i know.

i just happen to have larger scaled ones.

shrug.

i never felt myself as one to be superstitious.

but after seeing the astrology report,

i cant help but feel shocked.

its as if my life was planned out by the

stars like people said, and not decided

by me and the actions i took.

and not only that,

looking at the compatibility report

just got me totally crushed.

and made me feel that i should have seen

this a long time ago.

no to see that we will not turn out well

after all, but to anticipate the tensions and

the conflicts before it happened.

but now its too late.

i guess it doesnt even matter anymore.

the year 2009 to me,

wasnt all that great.

it was the first time, (no. first THREE times)

i cried in public. like namely at suntec,

in ang mo kio, and suntec again.

in the middle of the linkway from the mrt.

first time i ever felt so vulnerable in my life,

first time i realise, i wasnt as strong as i was

when i was in cedar. that i couldnt get over

things as quickly as i wanted to.

the first time i mugged so hard,

but no satisfaction comes from my grades.

a lot of first times, and all not fantastic things.

but i learnt a lot, and i grew stronger. (hopefully)

as much as i dont really like 2009,

but the year has taught me a lot,

through experience learning,

things i can never learn from sch, learn from parents,

learn from talking to people.

Things i can only learn from first falling,

and then picking up myself up.

and putting plasters myself,

and waiting for the wounds to heal.

even so, i really hoped the last day of the year,

31 Dec 2009,

will be a good day,

a better day than the 364 days before.

apparently it was not,

and i cant help but feel disappointed.

and i hoped 1st Jan 2010,

will be a good day,

so i can finally put away the 365 not so

fantastic days of my life.

but it wasnt a fantastic day either.

no it wasnt horrible,

but it was just neutral i guess.

what i can only do for myself,

is hope the rest of the 364 days

will be happier, at least comparative to 2009.

i wun be naive to think the year will be

uneventful and will pass by peacefully

like what i wish it to,

but at least im able to handle the problems

confidently, without much distress.

and hopefully without being too upset

over the whole issue.

i hope i have a happier 364 days of this year. :D